At the beginning of this year, as many people want to do, I was tempted to make and write down my New Year resolutions.
Both my heart and mind resisted the urge. I did not want to simply go through the process as a matter of routine. I wanted it to have meaning – achievable and real. And so I held off as long as I could.
As time went on… I felt a bit lost. I am one of those people who thrives on having clear goals to guide me, so this was unfamiliar territory. It felt irresponsible… like a driver without a clear destination – just wandering about, heading nowhere in particular. After what felt like an eternity (January 14th), I finally succumbed to the desire to make a plan; to have a plan.
I must point out that part of the resistance came from the fact that I was feeling so impact less. Apart from those things that I can personally control e.g. how I spend my finances, everything else seemed to be on a departing train – farther and farther away by the day. I assessed and reassessed my goals in 2014, got frustrated by the inertia, cried out to God and finally told my mind that I needed to accept the reality. I needed a proper paradigm shift to regain hope that all was going to be ok and to not lose my faith.
By the end of the year, I can say that I was in a good place mentally because I had learned to gain contentment in the everyday happenings. I re-oriented my mind to still apply myself 100%, and yet focus on what was working positively. Specifically in the area of career advancement, I decided to shelve those goals and revisit them after a year.
So here comes 2015 and am thinking, “Do I really wanna do this again?” Do I want to go through the frustration once more? Do I want to cry out to God and feel like He doesn’t hear me? Do I want to experience a crisis of faith? I know that there are people with bigger needs and greater challenges…. But if we are to accept that we are like children to the Almighty, then as a good father I should trust that I matter to Him personally.
So my resolutions for 2015 were going to be very simple and broad:
1. To allow my heart to be content
2. To make more time to experience God and to never doubt that He is in control
3. To get fitter – to consume in moderation and exercise at least twice a week
4. To pay off a short term loan and build up my emergency fund
5. In the career goal, I prayed for clarity and direction about whether to change or stay put
Mainly, I wanted to remember to live in order to feel alive. I also want the relationships in my life to fit well – not to force something to fit when it clearly doesn’t (i.e. let go if I need to).
We are now almost at the end of February.
I heard Him Speak.
I heard Him speak last week.
As clear as blue skies on a sunny day,
I knew it was the Almighty.
He spoke not in plumes of smoke or pillars of fire,
But in the voice of a woman with whom I engaged.
I felt my curiosity awakened;
My hope reignited;
My spirit renewed.
Suddenly the answer was clear
Right there in front of my eyes.
Stay the course; don’t be discouraged
I have a plan for you.
I heard Him speak….. yeeeh.